Skyrocketing Energy! Clearer Thinking!

[beamjockey]

My beloved wife is interested in nutrition. Nathan S. Bryan, Ph.D., knows this, so sometimes one of his brochures turns up in our mailbox. Here's yesterday's science-based natural breakthrough.



This is my new favorite phrase. I am sitting in my cubicle. Every now and then, I say aloud, "UNLEASHES the FULL REJUVENATING POWER of BEETS!"* My colleagues are getting used to it.

Bonus points to the layout artist for slightly enlarging the font, as the phrase swells majestically, while switching to beet-colored letters.

The rest of the copy on the page is quite, if I may use the expression, purple-- Mike Vincent suggested that the copywriter's true calling might lie in comic books-- but "unleashing the full rejuvenating power of beets" is truly magnificent. What spinnitch is to Popeye, the beet is to Dr. Bryan.

I've had a soft spot for beets ever since they were involved in one of my best jokes.

The brochure is surprisingly thick. Page 16 will tell you more about the tart, raspberry-like flavor of Dr. Bryan's beverage. In case you'd feared it would taste like beets.



*Exclamation point in original.

Comments

[neowolf2.livejournal.com]

I hope there are lots of beet puns. I will refrain from adding my own.

[beamjockey.livejournal.com]

That's sweet of you.

[zelda888.livejournal.com]

I've had a soft spot for beets ever since Eric strained his shoulder digging through the clay to make me one. I hope my beets do not have a soft spot for me. I'll let you know in about four more weeks. I've eaten some of the greens (this is called "thinning the seedlings"), but so far I don't think either of us feels rejuvenated.

marketing is the root of all evil

[tigertoy.livejournal.com]

20 years ago, I could have laughed at this without guilt, confident that it was intended as a joke. Today, I have to assume that it's serious, and feel obligated to be righteously indignant, so I'm slightly guilty to be so amused.

[beamjockey.livejournal.com]

It's amusing to see someone working so very hard to give the impression that a drink made from beets is exciting. When was the last time you saw a sentence with the word "beets" in it end in an exclamation point?

Also, the naked hard-sell is rather old-fashioned, so that might trigger a slight nostalgia. (Unless you watch infomercials all the time, and find this sort of thing commonplace.)

[neowolf2.livejournal.com]

I think the last time I saw such a sentence was in a Doonesbury parody of USA Today. The paper had an infographic with the caption "We're Eating More Beets!"

[harvey-rrit.livejournal.com]

If beets grant immortality, remember me kindly.

[whl.livejournal.com]

No, judging by the marketing, I think that's Pomegranates.

[harvey-rrit.livejournal.com]

Pomegranates are responsible for Earth's axis being tilted, that's all I remember.

[mrs-sweetpeach.livejournal.com]

That phrase is surprisingly delightful. It doesn't hurt that I *love* beets. Yummmmm!

[beamjockey.livejournal.com]

I wonder whether it would be fun to stage a dramatic reading of selected passages from this brochure.

[agoodwinsmith.livejournal.com]

Ha. :) I think you need to stage a passion-play. :)

[whl.livejournal.com]

Ah, now I get it. The financial industry has been mystified by Apple's latest rumored purchase, but it's all due to a misunderstanding. Wanting to get in on this miracle, Apple is buying BEETS.

[acmespaceship.livejournal.com]

I saw the best vegetables of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked, dragging themselves through the garden rows at dawn looking for a fix, unleashed beet power burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the skyrocketing energy and false raspberry supernatural darkness, crying, "give me the beet, boys, and free my soul!" while contemplating jazz.

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

It's not that I don't want ten times more beet power, but I am skeptical of ten times more "beet power".

K.

[austin-dern.livejournal.com]

I guess I'm just wondering if I could make use of only part of the power of beets. The full power seems a little too much for me.

[le-trombone.livejournal.com]

"My colleagues are getting used to it."

Your colleagues are saints.

[planettom.livejournal.com]

Rick Moranis on SCTV doing an impression of George Carlin talking about beets (YouTube, 30 seconds).

"Beets. BEETS. Beets!"