The Flat Truth

[beamjockey]

Matthew has a bunch of cherry boards and he wants to build bookcases with them. But, he says, he doesn't have a planer.

Now I know Matthew, a connoisseur of fine tools, would not want to purchase one of the plainer planers. No doubt he would prefer a fancier planer.

How to determine what planer to buy? Seek advice from someone knowledgable about these products, someone who appreciates quality. Matthew needs to talk to a planer fancier.

I wasn't sure what a planer was. My friends explained that it's a machine that cuts a smooth surface into a board, thereby rendering it planar. A planer with helical cutting heads is the best kind; a planer with straight blades might put scallops into your wood. This sounds like it might be fancier, but actually the fancier planer makes a smoother surface, so that the board is plainer.

Tullio said he thought that demanding a fancier planer was going overboard, so I pointed out that this is exactly what this machine is for, going over board. I'm sure any planer fancier would agree that this could hardly be plainer.

Comments

[lydy.livejournal.com]

You just couldn't help yourself, could you? You just had to be straight with us, whether we were bored or not.

[erik]

You knew he would.

This whole post left me flat, despite the smooth delivery. It just goes against the grain somehow.

[neowolf2.livejournal.com]

Reminded me of a story from Ulam's autobiography.

Ulam and some others are at Los Alamos, watching a presentation. The presenter claims to have fit a line through the data, has put up a diagram of widely scattered points, with
the line hopefully drawn through the cloud.

Von Neumann (I think it was) leans over to Ulam and whispers "well, at least they lie on a plane."

[neowolf2.livejournal.com]

And when that device breaks and has to be disposed of, and you have to tell people why, you can be an ex-planer explainer.

[maiac.livejournal.com]

This should best be read with a wooden expression. But it made me grin, and will keep me cheerful the rest of the morning.

[also-huey.livejournal.com]

Warning: I know an art professor who teaches woodworking and furniture-making, and I'm going to send this to her, and then she's going to send you a carp.

[peteralway.livejournal.com]

I wood leave a comment here, but it goes against my grain.

[carbonel]

Matthew has a bunch of cherry boards and he wants to build bookcases with them. But, he says, he doesn't have a planer.

It sounds as if you have given this issue a great deal of thought -- which makes you a planer planner.

[acmespaceship.livejournal.com]

Spanish planes are hydrophilic, often used to manage rainwater runoff after hurricanes. This is not a feature deemed to be useful in Hartford, Harrington or Hampshire.

[vicarage.livejournal.com]

Is this like the Cleveland Plain Dealer dealing with how to plane plain deal?

[serge-lj.livejournal.com]

A belated Happy Birthday, Bill!

[ethelmay.livejournal.com]

I suppose in this case a decision tree would also be a plane tree. Once the plane tree is gone, though, the plain will be plainer.

It's been fun plane with you!